Violence Prevention
  • Parents should discuss with their children the consequences of using violence to resolve conflict.
  • High school children should be encouraged to take an active role in their own school by joining with other students to work against violence. They should be encouraged to develop such activities as peer-based conflict resolution and mediation programs, student council, Students Against Violence Everywhere (SAVE), Students Against Drinking and Driving (SADD), or teen courts and mentoring programs.
  • Warning signs for school violence: Serious physical fighting with peers or family members, severe destruction of property, severe rage for seemingly minor reasons, detailed threats of lethal violence, possession or use of weapons, self-injurious behaviors or threats, has presented a detailed plane (time, place, method) to harm others, is carrying or has threatened to use a weapon.
  • "A student is being bullied or victimized when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time to negative actions on the part of one or more other students. The action is repeated and there is an imbalance between the victim and the bully." (Bulling At School By Dan Olweus, Copyright 1993).
  • Experts agree that children who practice listening, problem solving, and anger management skills are less likely to be involved with violence and bullying.
  • Anger is a part of everyone's life, but how it's dealt with is what counts! Steps that can be taken when feeling angry: ask yourself how does my body feel? Calm down, take 3 deep breaths, count backwards slowly, think nice thoughts, and talk to yourself. Think out loud to solve the problem. Think about it later.
  • Request a copy of the school handbook that contains school rules and regulations.
  • Be sure you understand what the behavior rules are in your child's school, find out what the punishments are for breaking the rules, and review these with your child. For example, what is your school's definition of a weapon and what happens if a child is caught with a weapon in school?
  • Find out if your child's school keeps track of:
    • Students who skip school or miss classes
    • Complaints by children of being bullied on school grounds, in bathrooms, or on the way to and from school
    • Disrespectful behavior toward the teachers
    • Increasing rates of stealing and vandalism of school property
    • Small groups of students who always seem to be angry or cut off from other students
  • Don't worry alone. Talk with other parents. Organize a parent group with the goal of creating a safe school. Talk to your school principal and offer help.
  • Talk to your children regularly. Ask them if they are worried about their safety. They will often have valuable ideas and suggestions.
  • Find out who is supposed to be at your child's school for supervision before and after hours. This is important to know if your child is going to school early or staying there late.
  • Is there a security system at your child's school? How are visitors handled? How are doors to the outside controlled?
  • Talk to your children about being aware of strangers in school or in school hallways.
  • Find out if staff members in other organizations in your community, such as libraries, community centers, places of worship, or recreation centers, are also concerned about violence in schools. What programs do they offer that you could work with them to improve school safety?
  • Ask other parents worried about safety in schools to contact you, or make an announcement at a community or school board meeting.
  • Talk to your child about how to handle anger and problems with others. Talk with your child's teacher, school counselor or school principal about ways to make this part of classroom lessons.
  • Some kids who have problems at school or home may feel stressed out or frustrated because they can't find solutions to their problems. They don't think they can talk to their parents or teachers. They may feel they have no friends. Their frustration can turn to anger, and they want to get rid of the anger. So, they may take it out on other people.
  • Boys in particular can sometimes have a tough time expressing their feelings in a peaceful way.
  • The problem of school violence gets even more complicated when those kids or teens that are upset with their lives have easy access to weapons, such as guns or knives. People who are angry and take that anger out on others will do less damage with words than they would with a weapon.
  • Teach your children to be honest about their feelings. Not talking about their worries or making them seem like no big deal won't make them go away. It may be hard for them to tell you that they're scared.
  • Teach your children to be open about their feelings. Tell them there's no shame in having a problem or being scared. Let them know you want to help them, but they have to be open with you first.
  • Teach your children to be willing to listen and share. Let them know that you were once a kid, too, so you know what it's like to be scared or have to deal with a bully. And that they may have ideas to share that will help that you hadn't even thought of!
  • Remind them that they deserve to be safe. Let them know if they know about someone at school who is doing things or even talking about doing violent things that scare them, to talk to their teacher, school guidance counselor or principal right away. Tell them their words can do a lot to stop school violence.
  • Inform your children if there is ever an emergency at any time, go to an adult or call your local police or fire department. You can reach most of these places by dialing 911. If you can't get to a phone, yell as loud as you can for help. Remember: what you say matters! Use your voice and help make a difference!
  • A good definition of school violence might be this: violence is a person's or group's behavior or language that causes another person to become hurt, physically or psychologically. That can include assaults (either physical fights or attacks with guns or other objects), bullying, extreme teasing, or physical or emotional intimidation (taunting or name calling, for example). Violence can be directed against students, staff, or teachers and can occur at any time of the day or night.
  • Tell your children it is really important to say something if they notice one of their classmates talking or acting differently. People who are on the verge of violence usually display warning signs. The talk they have with a teacher or other adult could mean the difference between life and death. Things to look out for in other students include:
    • Playing with weapons of any kind
    • Bragging about acts of violence they'd like to commit 
    • Repeatedly watching violent movies or playing violent games
    • Bullying or threatening other people
    • Cruelty to pets or other animals
  • Another alternative might be to join an existing school or community club or organization that's dedicated to helping children stay safe. Ask your teacher or guidance counselor for ideas, or check out your local volunteer opportunities.
  • Bullies can be tough to categorize. A bully may be outgoing and aggressive, the kind of person who gets her way through force or obvious teasing. On the other hand, a bully can appear pretty reserved on the surface, but may try to manipulate people in more subtle, deceptive ways, like anonymously starting a damaging rumor about someone just to see what happens.
  • Many bullies, though, share some common characteristics. They are generally focused on themselves and finding ways to seek pleasure. They are often insecure and therefore they may put other people down to make themselves feel more interesting or powerful. For them, it may be particularly difficult to see things from someone else's point of view. And some bullies act the way they do because they've been hurt by bullies in the past or because another person in their lives - like a parent or other family member - is abusing them in some way.
  • Inform children if they or a friend are being bullied avoid being alone. Try to remain part of a group by walking home at the same time as other children or by always sticking close to friends or classmates, especially before and after school.
  • If you're being bullied and you're ready to stand up for yourself, there are some techniques you can try:
  • Walk away and ignore the bully. It may seem like a coward's response, but it's not. Bullies thrive on the reaction they get and if you walk away, the message is that you just don't care. Sooner or later the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you.
  • Be confident; walk tall and hold your head high. Use your body language to show that you're not vulnerable.
  • Try humor. If you can learn to laugh at yourself then you won't give the bully the response he or she is looking for.
  • However you choose to deal with a bully do not use physical force like kicking, hitting, or pushing. You can never be sure what the bully will do and violence never solves a problem, anyway.
  • If your child finds it hard to resist the temptation to be a bully, they should find someone to talk with. Talking can be a good way to release their feelings and frustrations and to look at a situation from a totally different perspective. For example, maybe hearing about how their older brother was bullied when he was in school would cause them to think a bit differently about the way they treat someone.
  • Let your children know if their friend is being bullied, see if they can get him to talk to your child about it. Then, maybe they can help their friend boost his self-confidence so he can react in a healthy, nonviolent way to the bullying. Try taking a stand by refusing to put up with bullies if they see them in action. If they hear someone taunting a classmate, for example, speak up and point out that this is no way to treat another person. They might be saving someone a lot of pain.
  • Five points parents should say to their children about school safety include:
    • Explaining to their children what the facts are about school safety. Explaining to their children the steps their schools are taking to promote safety is important if their children ask questions.
    • Explaining the odds. The chances of being killed in schools are less than one in a million according to the US Department of Education. It is important to explain to children that schools are typically safe environments.
    • Explain that everyone has a responsibility for making schools safe, even children. Everyone should take responsibility. If a child sees inappropriate behavior or hears about the possibility that such behavior might happen (e.g., hears that someone is going to bring a gun to school), the child has a responsibility to tell an adult at school or the parent him/herself.
    • Explaining that violence is not an acceptable solution to problems the children may be experiencing. Parents need to explicitly address this because of the many messages that children are exposed to from various components of society which communicate that violence may be an appropriate response. It is important that parents articulate that violence is wrong.
    • Explaining that they are ready to listen. Parents should ask questions about how their children are feeling about the safety of their schools, and they should ask their children about more than feelings but also about behaviors (e.g., are there places at school they avoid because they don't feel safe?). When asking the questions, it is then important that parents actively listen to the answers. If concerns are raised, parents need to follow up with the schools about them and keep their children informed about what is being done.